we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
