you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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