just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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