A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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