That's when you crack a 10am beer
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
