If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
