I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
