What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
