Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize