Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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