I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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