I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
