last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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