I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
