dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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