Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
