Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
