What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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