I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
