btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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