maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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