found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
