i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
do nipples grow back?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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