I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
