Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
