it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
