no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
