In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
