i permit you to call me
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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