how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
