Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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