she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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