A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
