I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she was so not down for the gang bang
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
