these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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