He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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