Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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