Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
