we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
