You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
