Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Randomize
