It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize