You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
