She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
