Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize