I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
