Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
