someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
