walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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