True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
