ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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