if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just want nice things and good sex
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
