Where did you get a picture of my penis
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
