Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
