I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
