no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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