my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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