Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I want to make a zoo with you.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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