Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
