I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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