the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
