somebody snuck up and got me drunk
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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