i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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