Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
