If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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