No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
