OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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