She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
