dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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