i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
