how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
