I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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