im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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