I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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