You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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