she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
