jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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