This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
