rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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