??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
