My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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