I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
