btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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