Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize