Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
