Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
