she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
