dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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