ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
