Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize