Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
