I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
