Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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