do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
