white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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