Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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