i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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