dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
