she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
