At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
