i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
