We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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