we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think I died a long time ago.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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