There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
