There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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