party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize