well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
