I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
