i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
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