Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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