MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
