i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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