did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
