Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
